Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Are You Telling Me Limericks Are Only Good For Cheap Laughs? (Vintage)

When the funny man's copy is due
And jokes seem remarkably few
He will jump into his chair
Take a pull at his hair
Then grind out a limerick or two.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Belle of Natchez - Ogden Nash Limerick

There was a young belle of old Natchez
Who ripped all her garments to patchez
When comment arose
On the state of her clothes
She drawled, When Ah itches, Ah scratchez.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Old English Tobacco Limerick Contest

Cried a smoker, "Alas for my plight!
Wife objects to me smoking at night."
But his friend said, "Tut, tut,
Smoke Old English Curve Cut."

Saturday, January 26, 2013

A Limerick A Day's My Vow

A limerick a day's my vow
The time? I'll find it somehow
Though I'm quite busy
The words come in a tizzy
And the reader, I hope, says "Wow!"  (At least sometimes.)

Friday, January 25, 2013

I Nipped in the Pub for Some Cheer - A Gaelic Storm Limerick

I nipped in the the pub for some cheer
A most merry noise did I heer
When asked, I was told
Gaelic Storm - they're so bold
And now, to me, they're quite deer.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Vintage White Rock Limerick Advertisement

There was a man of good old stock
And he was wondrous wise
He loved to quaff
His pure White Rock
And watch the bubbles rise.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Groundhog's Day Limerick -

There once was a groundhog named Phil
He liked to keep out of the chill
On Feb. 2 he saw
His shadow grown tall
So he scurried back under the hill.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Air Force Museum - Wright Patterson

 Some call it the Air Force Museum
I call it "the place you go see 'em,"
Young flyers and others
- Like the Wright Brothers
Did live by the words, "Carpe Diem."

Monday, January 21, 2013

Cinderella Fairy Tale Limerick

There once was a girl named Cinderella
Her steps were Stasia and Drusella
She served them both gladly
Though they treated her badly
But she finally did get the fella.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Groundhog Day Limerick For Kids

Every year, on the second of Feb.
The groundhog pops up his wee head
If his shadow he sees
To his burrow he flees
For six weeks, he'll go back to his bed.

Friday, January 18, 2013

The Nobel Prize Committee to Barack Obama - New Classic

They gave him the prize Nobel,
Their view of the world to sell,
You're just one in the world,
Stars & Stripes, keep it furled,
To belong, just do as we tell.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Our Champion, He Was Johnny Tarr - A Gaelic Storm Limerick

Our champion, he was Johnny Tarr,
Never beaten, he was at the bar,
Perhaps he was cursed,
For he died, yea, of t'irst,
The doctor exclaimed, by gar!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

morphCARD Gift Card Exchange - A Limerick

If the gift card from old Aunt Tess
Is not what you want, confess
If you really hate it
Sell it or trade it
A vist to morphCARD is best!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

No Such Thing As Bad Publicity

A fellow refused to eat crow
No matter the facts that we know
An obvious error
Caused him no terror
It was all just a part of the show.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

A Man Who Was Steering A Yacht - Vintage Limericks

A man who was steering a yacht
His course through the water forgacht
And he stuck in the mud
With a dull, sickening thud
And the captain then swore a whole lacht.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

A Pirate Named Molly - 56 Limericks for Kids - New Illustrated Edition Now Available on Kindle

There was a young pirate named Molly
She had a green parrot called Polly
The bird liked to eat
Old pickled pig's feet
No crackers for Polly, by golly!

Friday, January 11, 2013

A Snowflake Named Fleury - Limericks For Children

There once was a snowflake named Fleury
She fluttered around in a hurry
She stayed on the run
And hid from the sun
'Cause heat was her greatest worry.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

The Debt Ceiling Debate - Nothing But Limericks

The Rs and the Ds both claim
That their parties are not the same
But when it comes to the debt
You can safely bet
That each other, they both, will blame.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

The Night Piece, to Julia. By Robert Herrick (1648) - An Early Limerick

Her eyes the glow-worm lend thee,
The shooting stars attend thee;
And the elves also,
Whose little eyes glow,
Like the sparks of fire, befriend thee.

No Will-o'-th-Wisp mislight thee,
Nor snake or slow-worm bite thee;
But on, on the way,
Not making a stay,
Since ghost there's none to affright thee.

Let not the dark thee cumber:
What though the moon does slumber?
The stars of the night
Will lend thee their light
Like tapers clear without number.

Then, Julia, let me woo thee,
Thus, thus to come unto me;
And when I shall meet
Thy silv'ry feet
My soul I'll pour into thee.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Barack Obama and Harry Reid - Budget - Debt Ceiling Limericks

There once was a guy named Barry
He had a good friend, Reid, Harry
"Forward!" they said
With a budget in red
Does nobody else find this scary?

Monday, January 7, 2013

There Was A Young Man of St. Kitts - Limerick from 1834

There was a young man of St. Kitts
Who was very much troubled with fits
The eclipse of the moon
Threw him into a swoon
When he tumbled and broke into fits.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Nursery Rhyme Limerick - Diddlety, Diddlety, Dumpty

Diddlety, diddlety, dumpty
The cat ran up a plum tree
Half a crown
To fetch her down
Diddlety, diddlety, dumpty.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

A Young Lady Named Mabel - 1906 Limerick

There was a young lady named Mabel
Who danced on the dining-room table
But she blushed very red
When the gentlemen said
Oh! look at the legs on the table.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Here's To The Lasses We've Loved - A Vintage Limerick

Here's to the lasses we've loved, my lad,
Here's to the lips we've pressed,
For of kisses and lasses
Like liquor in glasses
The last is always the best.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

A Sled Named Bob - Funny Limericks for Kids

There once was a sled named Bob
Carrying kids down the hill was his job
The deeper the snow
The faster he'd go
If he ever got beat, he'd sob.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

A Blasphemous Parrot - Vintage Limerick (Updated)

We once had a blasphemous parrot
That swore till we just couldn't bear it
When we tied up his beak
He learned in one week
In American Sign Language to swear it.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Kindle Fire Limerick

If you got a new Kindle Fire
Of this book you must be a buyer
A Pirate Named Molly
With lim'ricks so jolly
Will certainly lift your mood higher.