Monday, March 18, 2019

Vintage Schweppes Tonic Water Advertising Limerick

Said a bandmaster, "Wilson, you're sacked!
Since you took to Scheppes tonic you've cracked
Twenty drumsticks, and split
Seven drums. I submit
That such force should be tempered with tact."

Tuesday, February 26, 2019

St. Patrick's Day Guinness Limerick

'Tis sure we'll be wearing the green,
When the calendar says March seventeen,
We'll be happy when in us,
Are pints of black Guinness,
Try some, you'll know what we mean.

Irish Pig Limerick for St. Patrick's Day

Through the fog, I saw a fat pig
Hop on the end of a twig,
The scene was a blur,
So I'm not really sure,
But I thing he was dancing a jig!

Friday, January 25, 2019

Temperance Limerick Postcard - The Snake in the Grass

You have heard of the snake in the grass
The terrible snake in the grass
But now you must know
Man's deadliest foe
Is the venomous snake in the glass.

Thursday, January 24, 2019

The couple from Gloucester, lost 'er - Vintage limerick

An old couple living in Gloucester
Had a beautiful girl, but they loucester
She fell from a yacht
And never the spacht
Could be found where the cold waves had toucester.

Sunday, December 16, 2018

The Reason for the Season - A Christmas Limerick

I hope that your Christmas is merry,
And your jolly St. Nick is hairy,
But remember the reason,
For this happy season,
Is Jesus, and Joseph, and Mary.

Friday, December 14, 2018

A Snowman Named Garrett - Winter Limerick for Kids

There was a young snowman named Garrett
Whose mother gave him a carrot
With tears in his eyes
He cried out in surprise
"And you say that you want me to wear it?"

Saturday, December 8, 2018

An Elf Named Moll - Vintage Christmas Limerick

There was a young elf named Moll
Who purchased a new parasol
With a handle so long
That she had to be strong
Or she couldn't have lugged it at all.

Monday, November 26, 2018

An Elf Named Piper - A Christmas Limerick Poem for Kids

There was a young elf named Piper
At Christmas, she always got hyper
What was the reason
For her crazy season?
She was the lead candy-cane striper.

Saturday, November 24, 2018

Where Are Santa's Glasses? A Vintage Christmas Limerick

Said an elderly man with gray hair
Who had searched for his specs everywhere
When one dared to propose
That he look on his nose
"How do you suppose they got there?"

Friday, November 23, 2018

An Elf Named Glitter - A #Twitter Christmas Limerick

An Elf Named Glitter - A Twitter Christmas Limerick
There once was an elf named Glitter
Who loved to tweet tweets on her twitter
But this broke a rule
(Santa being old-school)
And the loss of her phone made her bitter.

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Thanksgiving Praise - A Limerick - Pass the Gravy

The crops are all in from the field
And the folks all give thanks for the yield
- Giving praise is right
But don't take all night!
I don't like my gravy congealed.

Sunday, November 11, 2018

A Spud Named Davy - A Thanksgiving Dinner Limerick

There is a young spud named Davy
He wants to be covered in gravy
He'd rather be mashed
Then fried or hashed
Or be made a potato chip, wavy.

Tuesday, November 6, 2018

The Little Hunter - Funny Thanksgiving Turkey Limerick

thanksgiving postcard
Here's something that you rarely see
A bird caused a hunter to flee
The boy dropped his gun
And started to run -
Who knew how tough turkeys could be?

Friday, October 12, 2018

Funny Ogre Halloween Limerick

There's a lumpy, old ogre named Vince,
Just a whiff of his breath makes you wince.
But he has a kind heart
And is gentle and smart,
So we bought him two cases of mints.

Monday, October 1, 2018

A Witch, a Ghoul and a Sprite on All Hallow's Eve - A Limerick

A witch, a ghoul, and a sprite
Dance in the silvery light
It's All Hallow's Eve
- Or don't you believe
That ghosts of the dead roam the night?

Sunday, September 30, 2018

I believe in witches - do you? A Limerick

Do you believe witches are real?
Can you see them or hear them or feel?
So scoff if you must,
But my eyes I trust,
And I think that just now I will squeal!

Monday, September 10, 2018

A Witch Limerick for Kids

A witch with a broom and a cat
Wears a pointed and buckled gray hat
She flies to the store
Because she needs more
Eye of newt, toe of frog, wing of gnat.

Sunday, September 2, 2018

A Fiancee of Brill - Vintage Limerick Postcard

There was a fiancee of Brill
Whose mother cried, "Bless my heart Till!
To hear you keep on
About you and your John
Is enough to make anyone ill!"

Saturday, August 25, 2018

Hamel's Camel Vintage Limerick Postcard

An adventurous person named Hamel
Travelled thousands of miles on a camel
No provisions he took
But for bird's eggs he'd look
Which he'd boil for himself and his camel

Thursday, August 23, 2018

An Old Codger from Maine Vintage Limerick Postcard

Here's an old codger from Maine
Who says you should never restrain
An impulse to send
A card to a friend
No matter how small or how plain

Friday, May 18, 2018

Vinegar Valentine Limerick Postcard - The Bachelor

The Bachelor frequently "knocks"
Matrimony, and very oft flocks
To his club in the eve
For pleasure, we believe -
But how about mending his socks?

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Vintage Limerick - More Adventures of Sunny Jim and Dismal David

There once was a little bull-pup
Who used with his mistress to sup
A tramp he came by
A-looking for pie - 
Oddsbodikins!!  Marry come up!

Monday, May 14, 2018

Vintage Limerick - The Adventures of Sunny Jim and Dismal David

The Boys' Leader
There was a phenomenal snail 
Whose body was nearly all tail
He cried with delight
On that wonderful sight -
Such a marvellous tail for a snail.

Saturday, April 14, 2018

A Snowman In Spring - Limericks for Kids

There is a young snowman named Tuttle
His thoughts are all in a muddle
He so wants to run
And play in the sun
But then he'd end up as a puddle.

Thursday, February 22, 2018

The Real True Story of St. Patrick in Limerick Verse

poems for st. patricks day

Nothing but limericks I write
No subject’s too big or too trite
So here’s a true story
That isn’t too gory
About a young lad’s dreadful plight

In Scotland, did young Patrick dwell
His life was comfy and swell
Irish brigands did float
To his home in a boat
And took him to Ireland to sell

In Ireland, Pat was a slave
And he did his best to behave
He herded the swine
Till given a sign
And left without even a wave

To home, as fast as he could
He thought, was proper and good
But he had a vision
And made a decision –
Return to Ireland he would

For Patrick, this wasn’t a game
So first, a priest he became
He returned to the isle
With nary a smile
And focused on spreading Christ’s name

There were many bad serpents about
But Patrick had never a doubt
With force he did pray
Each and every day
And the devils and snakes he cast out

So party, green beer and all
But please do your best to recall
That Patrick’s the reason
For this happy season
As you finish your pub-to-pub crawl

Thursday, February 8, 2018

Valentine's Day Limerick - Cupid's Arrows and Bows

He's expert with arrows and bows
Your heart's true desire, he knows
Love once invited
Will leave you excited
Your love, it then blossoms and grows.

Sunday, December 17, 2017

A Young Elf Named Doyle - Funny Christmas Elf Limerick for Kids

There was a young elf named Doyle
Who covered his ears in tin foil.
When friends asked him why
He said in reply.
"It saves them from dust, dirt, and oil."

Thursday, November 30, 2017

There Was A Young Lady Named Dolly - Vintage Christmas Limerick Postcard

There was a young lady named Dolly
Who exclaimed, "I do so love holly
But if you must know
I prefer mistletoe
For to kiss underneath it is jolly."

Saturday, November 11, 2017

There Once Was a Pie Named Trish - Thanksgiving Pumpkin Pie Limericks

There once was a pie named Trish
She happily sat in a dish
Pumpkin and spice
And everything nice
Made Trish completely delish!

Sunday, November 5, 2017

There Was An Old Farmer Named Frankie - Thanksgiving Turkey Limerick

There is an old farmer named Franky,
His mistake at the gate made him cranky,
Since he left it ajar,
The turkey ran far,
And he blew his big nose in his hanky.

Saturday, November 4, 2017

There Is an Old Bird Named Nancy - Thanksgiving Limerick Poem for Kids

There is an old bird named Nancy
Try as she might, she can't see
Her life passed her by
In the blink of an eye
And she no longer has the man's fancy.

Sunday, October 8, 2017

There Once was a Boy Named Terry - Scary Spider Limerick for Kids

There once was a boy named Terry
Who ate a black bug on a dare, he
Fell over in pain
As he tried to explain
That he didn't think spiders were scary.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

It - A Scary Clown Limerick

So what makes this clown so scary
With kids and adults so wary?
In movies and books
He gives creepy looks
With a balloon the hue of a cherry.

Friday, September 15, 2017

Headless Horseman Halloween Limerick (Sleepy Hollow)

There once was a man with no head
The thought of him filled me with dread
The man and his horse
Were a dream, of course
I crooned as I trembled in bed.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

In Killarney There Lived An Old Dame - Vintage Limerick

In Killarney, there lived an old dame
Who for walking, grew too stiff and lame;
So she mounted a pig,
And set off at a jig,
To the market that lively old dame.