Friday, March 27, 2015

An Old Gourmet Called Lamb - A Vintage Limerick

There was an old gourmet called Lamb
Who indulged in a weakness for hamb;
When they brought him some bacon,
He said, "You're mistaken,
For this stuff, I don't care a damb!"

Monday, March 23, 2015

Is Spring Going To Get Here Or Not - A Limerick

Is Spring going to get here or not?
It's not coming soon as it aught.
We all agree that
This cold needs to scat.
I want to be sweaty and hot!

Sunday, March 22, 2015

#TrueTeam - A Limerick

I heard the angelic choirs
Sing when UD beat the Friars.
So let's hear you scream
For the one and TrueTeam
Let's root on our young Dayton Flyers!

Monday, March 9, 2015

The Real Story of St. Patrick in Limerick Verse

Nothing but limericks I write
No subject’s too big or too trite
So here’s a true story
That isn’t too gory
About a young lad’s dreadful plight

In Scotland, did young Patrick dwell
His life was comfy and swell
Irish brigands did float
To his home in a boat
And took him to Ireland to sell

In Ireland, Pat was a slave
And he did his best to behave
He herded the swine
Till given a sign
And left without even a wave

To home, as fast as he could
He thought, was proper and good
But he had a vision
And made a decision –
Return to Ireland he would

For Patrick, this wasn’t a game
So first, a priest he became
He returned to the isle
With nary a smile
And focused on spreading Christ’s name

There were many bad serpents about
But Patrick had never a doubt
With force he did pray
Each and every day
And the devils and snakes he cast out

So party, green beer and all
But please do your best to recall
That Patrick’s the reason
For this happy season
As you finish your pub-to-pub crawl

Friday, March 6, 2015

Father of Triplets - Vinegar Valentine Limerick

The much-married man should not talk,
At strenuous duties ne'er balk,
When at two in the morn,
He takes his first born
(Whether triplets or twins) for a walk!

Monday, March 2, 2015

The Card Player - Vinegar Valentine Limerick

The card-playing maid is the "limit,"
Her mind's on the cards ev'ry minute;
     If she loses the prize,
     Oh, how deeply she sighs,
"'Tis so awful not to be in it!"

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Vintage St. Patrick's Day Limericks -1910 Likewise Limericks

For Saint Patrick, Mike wears a cravat,
Also proves for his saint he stands pat;
For you see at a glance,
At the base of his pants,
Where he wears on each foot a green spat.

The Sportsman - Vinegar Valentine Limerick Postcard

His outfit is quite up-to-date
And his guns of a pattern most late
He is a wonderful sport
Of the deadliest sort
But the rabbits and birds seem first-rate.

Saturday, February 28, 2015

The Cigarette Fiend - A Vinegar Valentine Limerick Postcard

This youngster is sure he's a sport
The devilish, dangerous sort
If he grows any worse
He'll need a new a new nurse
For on brains and good sense he is short.

Drama Queen Vinegar Valentine Limerick

In a manner that's most emphatic
She declaims with gestures erratic
(While scarce a word)
(Is ever heard)
And thinks she's perfectly dramatic.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Turtle Soup Is Great For Those Meatless Fridays In Lent!

I knew Wooden Shoe made beer,
But look at this label right here.
It says soup from turtle
Clears the meatless hurdle
And your Lent observance is clear.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

My Heart's Desire - A Valentine's Day Limerick

My body does shiver and swoon
My voice will quiver and croon
My heart's desire
It sets me on fire
- A quiche made with liver and prune.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Addicted To Rum - Bacardi or Captain Morgan?

You can tell by the tint of his nose
And the bedraggled state of his clothes
He's just a poor bum
Addicted to rum
It's the greatest of all of his foes.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

There Once Was A Smile So Contagious - A Limerick

There once was a smile so contagious
That it spread in a way quite outrageous
Then started a laugh
Which reached more than half
The people it met of all ages

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Vaseline Hair Tonic Limerick

A scalp-wise young blade from Peconic
Kept his hair neat with Vaseline Hair Tonic
'Neath hot summer sun
He swam and had fun
And returned with his hair - to Peconic

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Ohio State v. Oregon - Football National Championship - Guess the Score

The Bucks and the Ducks are in it
Which team do you think will win it?
Both teams can score
But who will get more?
They might need point 8 points a minute?

60 minutes x .8 ppm = 48 points

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Ohio State - Oregon National Championship Uniforms - A Limerick

There is a nice team from Eugene
They often wear unis of green
I do not know why
They decided to try
All white, with a horrible sheen.

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Ohio State National Championship Limerick

The Bucks played the Tide and won
And now the Southeastern is done
But it'll be war again
When the Bucks play Oregon
I think that these playoffs are fun.

Friday, December 19, 2014

A Reindeer Named Yannick - Funny Christmas Poem

There once was a reindeer named Yannick
Who traveled at speeds supersonic
But heights made him shake
So he needed to take
A spoonful of peppermint tonic.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

How Far Can You Throw a Christmas Tree? A Xmas Limerick Poem

How far can you throw a tree?
Just enter the contest and see.
Crossed fingers for luck
Then give it a chuck
And shout to the heavens with glee!

Friday, December 12, 2014

A Snowman Named Finn - Funny Winter Limerick Poems

There once was a snowman named Finn
Each day, he grew much more thin
Then one sunny day
He just melted away
But we all will remember his grin.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Elsa and the Snow Flurry - Winter Limericks for Kids

When Elsa saw the first flurry
At once, she started to scurry
"I'm getting too old
To handle the cold,"
She said as she found something furry.

Monday, December 8, 2014

So Now, Five Armies Will Battle - The Hobbit Movie - A Limerick (B is for Bilbo)

So now, Five Armies will battle,
To see who controls Smaug's chattel.
Can B. find a way,
To settle the fray,
Or will he sneak out and skedaddle?

Saturday, December 6, 2014

You Are Fired! A Lazy Elf Limerick - Christmas Poems for Kids

An elf with a red pointed hat,
Loved to talk, to eat, and to chat.
He'd rather make noise,
Than help to make toys,
And Santa just cannot have that!

Ohio State v. Wisconsin - Big Ten Championship - A Limerick

From Madison there is a nice team,
To be champs is always their dream,
But on Saturday night,
They'll lose the fight,
The Bucks are as good as they seem.

A Wren That Made Santa Its Hero - Christmas Limericks For Kids

A wren that made Santa its hero
Stayed north till the weather was zero
And when Santa appeared
Snuggled warm in his beard
It rode south to Rio Janeiro

Monday, December 1, 2014

An Old Elf from Nantucket - A Christmas Limerick Poem

There is an old elf from Nantucket
He carries his harp in a bucket
When I asked him why
He gave this reply,
"It makes it so easy to pluck it!

Friday, November 28, 2014

An Elf Named Piper - A Christmas Limerick Poem for Kids

There was a young elf named Piper
At Christmas, she always got hyper
What was the reason
For her crazy season?
She was the lead candy-cane striper.

1931 Peter Paul Mounds Candy Bar Limerick Contest

A wonderful BAR is the MOUNDS
Even though it can stack on the pounds
We can thank PETER PAUL
For having the gall
Even though I'm now BIGGER Around!

Saturday, November 22, 2014

There Once Was A Turkey Named Brock - Thanksgiving Limericks For Children

There once was a turkey named Brock
He proudly led his whole flock
But he just couldn't see
Their grim destiny
And they all ended up in a wok

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

A Turkey Named Harry - Thanksgiving Poems for Kids

There once was a turkey named Harry
Of all human men, he was wary
A man with a knife
Tried to shorten his life
So he lives all alone on the prairie.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

A Turkey Named Grace - Funny Thanksgiving Limericks for Kids

There once was a turkey named Grace
Who could trot at a pretty good pace
Farmer Brown turned his head
So Grace ran and fled
And was gone without leaving a trace.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving - A Limerick

The leaves are now down from the trees
All scattered and blown by the breeze
We ask for God's blessing
(And give thanks for Mom's dressing)
And say, "Pass the roast turkey please!"

Thursday, November 6, 2014

A Turkey Named Dobler - Funny Thanksgiving Limericks for Kids

There once was a turkey named Dobler
His buddies all called him "The Gobbler"
But he was not able
To stay off the table
And he lay beside the peach cobbler.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Thanksgiving Praise - A Limerick - Pass the Gravy

The crops are all in from the field
And the folks all give thanks for the yield
- Giving praise is right
But don't take all night!
I don't like my gravy congealed.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Thanksgiving Pie Recipe and Eating How-To-Guide

If you ask what's my favorite pie
Here is my standard reply
Pumpkin and spice
Is truly quite nice
But apple always catches my eye.

But pecan's always good too
So here's what I like to do
Eat one slice of each
(Yes chocolate and peach)
And berry; straw-, black-, and blue-.