Thursday, July 24, 2014

An American Pickers Wannabe Limerick

I dream of becoming a picker,
Of making my billfold thicker.
I want to be like
Those guys, Frank and Mike,
And bargain, and haggle, and dicker.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Lewis Carroll Limerick - Lucy O'Finner

His sister, called Lucy O’Finner,
Grew constantly thinner and thinner;
The reason was plain,
She slept out in the rain,
And was never allowed any dinner.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Tuck Limerick Postcard - The Bookkeeper

Sending statements out in a hurry
Makes the bookkeeper fret and flurry
For to tally amounts
With his ledger accounts
Is a source of continual worry.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

There Once Was A Hard-To-Please Otter - Limericks for Kids

There once was a hard-to-please otter
Who'd swim in only warm water
She said she would freeze
At sixty degrees
And whined, "I need it much hotter!"

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Sometimes I Sit And I Ponder

Sometimes I sit and I ponder,
What's out in the wide world yonder,
Though it's the same air,
Is the grass greener there?
Soon, just perhaps, I will wander.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

There Was A Tough Sheriff Named Schlutter - Limericks for Kids

There was a tough sheriff named Schlutter
He fancied himself a great shooter
But when push came to shove
He was meek as a dove
And he pushed himself home on his scooter.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Antony and Cleopatra - Shakespeare in Limerick Poem

There was an Egyptian queen
The fairest, they say, ever seen
But though she was pretty
And also was witty
She was most unaccountably mean.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Hamlet - Shakespeare in Limerick

There once was a gloomy young Dane
Who all frolic and fun did disdain
In his dictionary
You couldn't find "merry"
And "pleasure" defined he as "pain"

Friday, June 20, 2014

All's Well That Ends Well - Shakespeare in Limerick

There once was a girl they called Helen
And she was in trouble, yes, well in
But though in so tight
She got out all right
So it didn't much matter she fell in

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Lear Classic Limerick - Old Man of the South

There was an Old Man of the South
Who had an immoderate mouth
But in swallowing a dish
That was quite full of Fish
He was choked, that Old Man of the South.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

The Doctor - He Comes To See You When You're Ill

He comes to see you when you're ill,
He gives you powder, dose and pill,
Your tongue consults,
Then feels your pulse,
And he is always "dressed to kill!"

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Shrum Indian Mound - A Limerick

There's an Indian Mound called Shrum
It is close to where I am from
So one day I went
And energy I spent
And now I can say it I clumb

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Scottish Dental Surgeon Limerick - Harmsworth 1930

A cunning old dentist of Leith
Was speaking on "profits from teeth."
He said, "When they're bad
I stop 'em begad!
Then I loosen 'em more underneath!"

Monday, June 9, 2014

Vintage Dachshund Limerick - Harmsworth 1930

A care-free young dachshund at Looe
Once bit a rear-admiral in two
Then smiled, "Bless my heart!
That's not a bad start,
And I've got the whole afternoon too!"

Friday, June 6, 2014

They Flapped In A V Formation - A Goose Limerick

They flapped in a V formation
On the way to their winter vacation
When the icy winds blew
Due south they all flew
And they honked in keen exhortation

Thursday, June 5, 2014

There Was A Young Man Of Killarney - Vintage Irish Limerick

There was a young man of Killarney
Who was chock full of what is called blarney
He would sit on a stile
And tell lies by the mile
Would this dreadful young man of Killarney

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

I've Got No Pajamas For Bed . . . - Statler Hotel Advertising Limerick

"I've got no pajamas for bed . . ."
Sighed a guest, but our clerk proudly said,
"Take this overnight kit,
There's pajamas in it-
. . . Would you like a nice nightshirt instead?"

Sunday, May 25, 2014

A Memorial Day Limerick

We're sitting here tweeting and friending,
So let's just stop all the pretending,
The freedoms we use,
Are easy to lose,
So honor those who've died defending.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Does Anything Rhyme With "Orange"? - Two Limericks

"Orange" is a hard word to rhyme
I think of it all of the time
Although Eminem
Does claim five of them
"Door hinge" is simply a crime
I stared at the squeaky, old door hinge
The hue of a rotting old orange
I jumped out of the way
When I heard it say
"My name is Sir Edward G. Porrindge."

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Man In Atchison Vintage Limerick Postcard

There was a man in Atchison
Whose trousers had rough patchison
He found them great
He'd often state
To scratch those parlor matchison.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

A Girl From Montauk - Vintage Limerick Postcard

There was a young girl from Montauk
Who went with a drummer to wauk
His mustache was strange
And when met a close range
It somewhat impeded their tauk.

Friday, May 9, 2014

There Once Was A Funny, Pink Fairy - Limericks for (and by) Kids

There once was a pretty, pink fairy
For breakfast, she ate just one cherry
She then went to school
And jumped in the pool
Then jumped on her good friend named Larry.

Thanks to Mrs. Neff's students!

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Limerick Riddle for Kids

Whether blue, or brown, or white
I usually hide out of sight
Keep me safe for a while
And maybe you'll smile
When what's inside of me takes flight.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

A Wise Man Exploring The Nile - Vintage Limericks

A wise man exploring the Nile
Said, "The Sphinx is no doubt all the style
But yonder there be
Other ruins, I see,
And I'll peer-amid those for awhile."

Monday, April 28, 2014

There Once Was A Lady Named Maude - Vintage Postcard Limerick

There once was a lady named Maude
Whose dressmakers bill were ignored
Till her husband, dumbfounded
Was simply surrounded
With bills he could not afford

Saturday, April 19, 2014

A Good Friday - Easter Miracle Limerick

When the guilt of sin does seize us,
We should turn to our brother, Jesus,
His death on the cross,
Was truly a loss,
But the miracle on Easter - it frees us.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

There Once Was a Man up a Tree - Vintage Postcard Limerick

There once was a man up a tree
Who was horribly bored by a bee
When they said, "Does it buzz?"
He replied, "Yes it does!
It's a regular brute of a bee."

Friday, April 11, 2014

Vintage Limerick - There Once Was A Cat And A Mouse

There once was a cat and a mouse
Who ran all the way 'round the house
First the mouse 'twas that led
Then the cat got ahead
But the head was that of the mouse.

Friday, April 4, 2014

A Pretty Young Woman Named Susan - Vintage Swimming Limerick

A pretty young woman named Susan
Went wading one day with her shoeson
When she came back to land
With her shoes full of sand
Then she found it was not so amus'n'

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Dayton Flyers NCAA Basketball Tourney 2014 Cinderella - A Limerick

The Flyers plucked every last feather
From the Cardinal, so now we'll see whether
The team can unite
And fight the good fight
And turn the Gator to leather.

Friday, March 28, 2014

Noah's Ark Movie Limerick

Old Noah knew just what to do
He led them on board two by two
But I'm so forlorn
Cause there's no unicorn
And I hoped the old fables were true.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Dayton Flyers - 2014 NCAA Cinderella - A Limerick

For this we've been patiently waitin'
The Sweet Sixteen includes Dayton
It means Archie's crew
Knows just what to do
So let's have some more celebratin'!

Sunday, March 23, 2014

The Bold Milliner - Vintage Vinegar Valentine Postcard

I admire the bold milliner's grit
It savors of true Irish wit
As she jumbles together
Rag, buckle and feather
And charges a twenty for it.

Here's to the girl I love - A vintage leather-postcard limerick

Here's to the girl I love
I wish that she were nigh
If drinking beer
Would bring her here
I'd drink the whole place dry

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

March Madness with Thad Matta and the Ohio State Buckeyes

The Bucks are coached by The Thadness,
He fills the fans with much gladness,
And now starts the journey,
The end of year tourney,
Otherwise known as March Madness.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

The Secret Mystery of St. Patrick Revealed in Limerick Verse!

Nothing but limericks I write
No subject’s too big or too trite
So here’s a true story
That isn’t too gory
About a young lad’s dreadful plight

In Scotland, did young Patrick dwell
His life was comfy and swell
Irish brigands did float
To his home in a boat
And took him to Ireland to sell

In Ireland, Pat was a slave
And he did his best to behave
He herded the swine
Till given a sign
And left without even a wave

To home, as fast as he could
He thought, was proper and good
But he had a vision
And made a decision –
Return to Ireland he would

For Patrick, this wasn’t a game
So first, a priest he became
He returned to the isle
With nary a smile
And focused on spreading Christ’s name

There were many bad serpents about
But Patrick had never a doubt
With force he did pray
Each and every day
And the devils and snakes he cast out

So party, green beer and all
But please do your best to recall
That Patrick’s the reason
For this happy season
As you finish your pub-to-pub crawl