Friday, November 6, 2015

Are There Raisins in Your Stuffing Recipe? A Thanksgiving Limerick

Consider the humble brown raisin
It's always demure, never brazen
But when the issue is stuffing
They'll be huffing and puffing
The fights that it starts are amazin'.

Monday, October 26, 2015

A Wraith by the Name of McKay - Halloween Limericks for Kids

Halloween 2015
A wraith by the name of McKay
Liked to lead trick-or-treaters astray
The kids started to cry
When he floated by
But the wind came and blew him away.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

All Hallow's Eve Limerick - Speechless with Fear

At the end of October each year
When All Hallow's Eve is near
The blowing leaves crackle
And old witches cackle
And I'm almost speechless with fear!

Friday, September 25, 2015

Monsters Under My Bed - Halloween Limericks for Kids

There once was a monster named Ted
He filled most children with dread
But I'm in third grade
So I'm not afraid
Except when he's under my bed!

Thursday, September 24, 2015

I Know That Witches Aren't Real, But I Am Still Scared - Halloween Limericks for Children

I know that witches aren't real
And magic black cats can't squeal
Make no mistake
Werewolves are fake
But that doesn't change how I feel! (SCARED).

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Young Edward Said He Didn't Care - Halloween Limericks for Kids

Young Edward said he didn't care
'Bout the witches and bats in the air
But he wasn't so smug
When they made him a bug
In the web of a spider's dark lair.

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - A Halloween Limerick

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
When Jekyll turns into Hyde
For me, I'll stay inside
The change isn't pretty
Fear spreads through the city
The best thing to do is just hyde.

Friday, August 7, 2015

Go Set A Watchman - Scout's Disillusionment - A Limerick

So what is this new book about?
A tale of the fully-grown Scout.
Her big-person's eyes
Get quite a suprise
And she's filled with anger and doubt.

Friday, July 10, 2015

To Kill a Mockingbird - Atticus Finch Limerick

A lawyer named Atticus Finch
Paused, but never did flinch
He agreed to defend
Tom R. to the end
And shamed, the mob, not to lynch.

Friday, July 3, 2015

The Tale of Paul Revere's Ride - A Limerick

July 4th poem
Citizen, please lend me your ear
For the tale of old Paul Revere.
He rode on his horse,
To Concord, of course,
And warned that the British were near!

Monday, June 22, 2015

The Candy-Striped Beacon at Hatteras - A Limerick

OBX, lighthouse, North Carolina
If the hull of your vessel is leakin'
And safety your crew is seekin'
Through the wind and the gale,
The storm and the hail,
Just search for the candy-striped beacon!

Monday, May 18, 2015

Young Maid of the Isles - Vintage Limerick Postcard

Young Maid of the Isles - Vintage Limerick Postcard
There was a young maid of the Isles
Whose face was pervaded with smiles
She sung, "Highdumdiddle,"
And played on the fiddle
That amiable maid of the Isles.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

A Man Who Was Deeply In Debt - A Vintage Limerick

A man who was deeply in debt
Said, "No matter whatever I gebt,
My creditors claim
A share of the saim
Which makes me discouraged, you bebt."

Friday, April 3, 2015

The "Hello" Girl's Voice Is So Sweet - A Vinegar Valentine Limerick

The "Hello" Girl's voice is so sweet,
That you ask her to kindly repeat;
But perchance you may find,
She's less gracious or kind,
If you met face to face on the street.

Friday, March 27, 2015

An Old Gourmet Called Lamb - A Vintage Limerick

There was an old gourmet called Lamb
Who indulged in a weakness for hamb;
When they brought him some bacon,
He said, "You're mistaken,
For this stuff, I don't care a damb!"

Monday, March 23, 2015

Is Spring Going To Get Here Or Not - A Limerick

Is Spring going to get here or not?
It's not coming soon as it aught.
We all agree that
This cold needs to scat.
I want to be sweaty and hot!

Sunday, March 22, 2015

#TrueTeam - A Limerick

I heard the angelic choirs
Sing when UD beat the Friars.
So let's hear you scream
For the one and TrueTeam
Let's root on our young Dayton Flyers!

Monday, March 9, 2015

The Real Story of St. Patrick in Limerick Verse

poems for st. patricks day

Nothing but limericks I write
No subject’s too big or too trite
So here’s a true story
That isn’t too gory
About a young lad’s dreadful plight

In Scotland, did young Patrick dwell
His life was comfy and swell
Irish brigands did float
To his home in a boat
And took him to Ireland to sell

In Ireland, Pat was a slave
And he did his best to behave
He herded the swine
Till given a sign
And left without even a wave

To home, as fast as he could
He thought, was proper and good
But he had a vision
And made a decision –
Return to Ireland he would

For Patrick, this wasn’t a game
So first, a priest he became
He returned to the isle
With nary a smile
And focused on spreading Christ’s name

There were many bad serpents about
But Patrick had never a doubt
With force he did pray
Each and every day
And the devils and snakes he cast out

So party, green beer and all
But please do your best to recall
That Patrick’s the reason
For this happy season
As you finish your pub-to-pub crawl

Friday, March 6, 2015

Father of Triplets - Vinegar Valentine Limerick

The much-married man should not talk,
At strenuous duties ne'er balk,
When at two in the morn,
He takes his first born
(Whether triplets or twins) for a walk!

Monday, March 2, 2015

The Card Player - Vinegar Valentine Limerick

The card-playing maid is the "limit,"
Her mind's on the cards ev'ry minute;
     If she loses the prize,
     Oh, how deeply she sighs,
"'Tis so awful not to be in it!"

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Vintage St. Patrick's Day Limericks -1910 Likewise Limericks

For Saint Patrick, Mike wears a cravat,
Also proves for his saint he stands pat;
For you see at a glance,
At the base of his pants,
Where he wears on each foot a green spat.

The Sportsman - Vinegar Valentine Limerick Postcard

His outfit is quite up-to-date
And his guns of a pattern most late
He is a wonderful sport
Of the deadliest sort
But the rabbits and birds seem first-rate.

Saturday, February 28, 2015

The Cigarette Fiend - A Vinegar Valentine Limerick Postcard

This youngster is sure he's a sport
The devilish, dangerous sort
If he grows any worse
He'll need a new a new nurse
For on brains and good sense he is short.

Drama Queen Vinegar Valentine Limerick

In a manner that's most emphatic
She declaims with gestures erratic
(While scarce a word)
(Is ever heard)
And thinks she's perfectly dramatic.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Turtle Soup Is Great For Those Meatless Fridays In Lent!

Wooden Shoe Minster Ohio

I knew Wooden Shoe made beer,
But look at this label right here.
It says soup from turtle
Clears the meatless hurdle
And your Lent observance is clear.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

My Heart's Desire - A Valentine's Day Limerick

My body does shiver and swoon
My voice will quiver and croon
My heart's desire
It sets me on fire
- A quiche made with liver and prune.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Addicted To Rum - Bacardi or Captain Morgan?

You can tell by the tint of his nose
And the bedraggled state of his clothes
He's just a poor bum
Addicted to rum
It's the greatest of all of his foes.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

There Once Was A Smile So Contagious - A Limerick

There once was a smile so contagious
That it spread in a way quite outrageous
Then started a laugh
Which reached more than half
The people it met of all ages

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Vaseline Hair Tonic Limerick

A scalp-wise young blade from Peconic
Kept his hair neat with Vaseline Hair Tonic
'Neath hot summer sun
He swam and had fun
And returned with his hair - to Peconic

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Ohio State v. Oregon - Football National Championship - Guess the Score

The Bucks and the Ducks are in it
Which team do you think will win it?
Both teams can score
But who will get more?
They might need point 8 points a minute?

60 minutes x .8 ppm = 48 points

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Ohio State - Oregon National Championship Uniforms - A Limerick

There is a nice team from Eugene
They often wear unis of green
I do not know why
They decided to try
All white, with a horrible sheen.

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Ohio State National Championship Limerick

The Bucks played the Tide and won
And now the Southeastern is done
But it'll be war again
When the Bucks play Oregon
I think that these playoffs are fun.

Friday, December 19, 2014

A Reindeer Named Yannick - Funny Christmas Poem

Christmas Limerick for Kids
There once was a reindeer named Yannick
Who traveled at speeds supersonic
But heights made him shake
So he needed to take
A spoonful of peppermint tonic.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

How Far Can You Throw a Christmas Tree? A Xmas Limerick Poem

How far can you throw a tree?
Just enter the contest and see.
Crossed fingers for luck
Then give it a chuck
And shout to the heavens with glee!

Friday, December 12, 2014

A Snowman Named Finn - Funny Winter Limerick Poems

There once was a snowman named Finn
Each day, he grew much more thin
Then one sunny day
He just melted away
But we all will remember his grin.