Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Trick Or Treat Moaned The Hungry Young Mummy - Halloween Limericks

"Trick or treat," moaned the hungry, young mummy
"I want something sweet for my tummy,
Snickers or Twix,
Will save you from tricks,
So fill the bag - don't be a dummy."

Monday, October 29, 2012

There Was An Old Man Of Timbuctoo

There was an old man of Timbuctoo
Who told a big lie which he stuck to
That he'd seen several eggs
All walking on legs
That he chased 'em and caught 'em and sucked two

Sunday, October 28, 2012

If I Were A Witch Upon A Big Switch - Halloween Limerick Poems

If I were a witch upon a big switch,
A-riding through the air,
I'd fly all around,
Then drop to the ground,
And give you an awful scare.

A Certain Young Lady From Wheeling - Cream of Wheat Advertising Limerick

A certain young lady from Wheeling,
Said, "Here is a taste most appealing!
I just love 'Cream of Wheat'
And you simply can't beat
That wonderful 'Cream of Wheat' feeling!"

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Saved By A Jack O'Lantern - Halloween Limericks

If you hear at your window a "scritch"
It could be a goblin or witch
On a night black
A pumpkin named Jack
Might prevent a terminal twitch

Thursday, October 25, 2012

The Guillotine v. Lethal Injection

Botched lethal injections have taught us
We need A Proposal, Modest
If you need someone dead
Just cut off his head
Let's use the machine the French brought us.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Jack O'Lantern Halloween - Limericks For Children

Be wary on late autumn nights
The sky's full of goblins and sprites
To guard from attack
Carve a pumpkin named Jack
He'll save you from Hallowe'en frights

Monday, October 22, 2012

Cupid - Jack Lantern Halloween Limerick

"On Hallowe'en at you I smile"
Jack Lantern says, in fun.
"You are so cute
At my heart to shoot,
Because -- I haven't one."

Obama Scares Me The Most - A Hallowe'en Presidential Debate Limerick

A goblin, a witch, or a ghost,
Which creature scares you the most?
What causes me fright
This third debate night
Is hearing the president boast.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

A Witch, On Her Broom-Handle Riding - Witch Limericks

A witch, on her broom-handle riding
Said, "For 52 weeks I've been hiding
But on Halloween Night
I'm allowed a short flight
And so earthward my course I am gliding."

Nan Went With Her Aunt to Antietam - Vintage Limerick

Nan went with her aunt to Antietam
Her Pa had promised to treat 'em.
He bought from the "Man,"
Some apples for "Nan,"
But before Nan could eat 'em, Antietam.

At A Halloween Party A Ghost - A Vintage Limerick Postcard

At a Halloween party a ghost
As he walked arm-in-arm with the host
Said: "Unseen to play tricks,
And with people to micks,
Is the thing that amuses me most!"

Saturday, October 20, 2012

I Feel That The Old Witch Is Near - A Halloween Limerick

I feel that the old witch is near
For I see her broom and hat queer
Tonight, she and I
Shall not pass YOU by
When we scatter our HALLOWE'EN  cheer

Friday, October 19, 2012

Kayser Glove Advertisement Limerick

"Baskette" is a rough, basket weave
"Kay-Spun is a smooth as was Eve
In gloves made by Kayser
These weaves for the wiser
Put style at the end of your sleeve!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

A Good Reason To Exercise - Fat Man Limerick

It would, indeed, be very wise,
If he'd indulge in exercise;
If he keeps adding weight,
At so rapid a rate,
For avoirdupois he'll win a prize.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Obama And Libya - A Limerick

First, he told a small fib-ia
Then, he was merely glib-ia
Now five weeks later
The master debater
Is still telling lies about Libya

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

An Urban Meyer - Ohio State Limerick - AN UPDATE

The Bucks have hired U. Meyer
Thus sating Buck Nation's desire
His record is great
But the question of late -
Is does he still have the fire?

The answer is yes.

Monday, October 15, 2012

There Was A Young Man of Bulgaria

There was a young man of Bulgaria,
Who kicked his old boots down an area,
Said Mary to cook,
"Lawks 'a mercy! just look,
If it ain't raining shoes - there's a pair 'ere!"

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Obsession - An Irish Music Limerick

I can't get it out of my head,
Life without it, I'd simply dread,
Still, it leaves me depressed,
Never enough, I'm obsessed,
My hunger must always be fed.

Davy Jones' Locker - A Limerick

Said the mate of this vessel unique
To the cap'n, "What port shall we seek?"
Said the cap'n, "We'll dock 'er
In Davy Jones' locker;
The bloomin' old tub's sprung a leak."

Saturday, October 13, 2012

A Fellow Who Lived On The Rhine - Vintage Limericks

A fellow who lived on the Rhine
Saw a fish that he wanted to dine
But how to invite him?
"Ah," he said, "I will write him!"
So he sat down and dropped him a line!

Friday, October 12, 2012

I'd Rather Have Fingers Than Toes - Vintage Limerick

I'd rather have fingers than toes
I'd rather have ears than a nose
And as for my hair
I'm glad it's all there
I'll be awfully sad when it goes

Thursday, October 11, 2012

The Vice Presidential Debate - A Limerick

So now it is Biden and Ryan
Most think Joe can win without tryan
But Paul knows his stuff
And can call Biden's bluff
Let's hope neither one ends up cryan.

Another Vintage Lawyer Joke - Circa 1906 Limerick

There was a young lawyer named Pique,
Who sported a prominent bique,
An angry old client
Grew very defiant,
And gave his proboscis a twique.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Vintage Lawyer Jokes - 1906 Limericks

Their was a young heiress called Rooker,
And a lawyer called Luke, tried to "hook" her,
But the heiress was shrewd,
Though her question was rude,
"Do you look at my looks, Luke, or lucre?"

Adare Manor, Limerick

Adare Manor
 Limerick, Ireland

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Essential Poker Advice - Put Up Or Shut Up

His dough made him feel like a cut up,
Tho' he stalled as a thought lit his nut up
Said he'd bet 'twas a cinch,
The whole works would be pinched,
But they told him to put up or shut up

Monday, October 8, 2012

In Plain Spoken English 'Tis Tough - Vintage Limerick

In plain spoken English, " 'Tis tough"
When a man to a girl does blough
About all the "dough"
On her he'd bestough
And lots of other such stough.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Poker Advice From 1906 - Two Limericks

A miss is as good as a mile,
A kiss is as good as a smile,
But four painted kings
Are beautiful things
That are good for the other man's pile.

But how the smile flattens out,
When with exultant shout,
Four solitaire aces
Turn up their faces
To put that king man to rout.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

A Young Man In The City Of Sioux - Vintage 1906 Limerick

A young man in the city of Sioux
Loved a maid with a million or tioux.
But the papa said, "Nay,"
And the youth went away
Urged on by the stern parent's shioux.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Though A Young Man Of Football Physique - Vintage 1906 Limerick

Though a young man of football physique,
His heart was exceedingly wique,
While he much loved the maid
He was so afraid
That he hadn't the courage to spique.

They Still Make Pens - Why Not Write? Vintage Limericks

They still make pens, they still make ink
and greeting cards, so you needn't think
We haven't moved
Now honor bright
What's the reason you never write

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Sarony Cigarette Limerick - There Was An Old Man Of Nantucket

There was an old man of Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket
But his daughter named Nan
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket - Nantucket!

Adorned With His Long, Flowing Hair - A Poet Limerick

Adorned with his long, flowing hair,
And fond of Byronic neckwear,
He's very aesthetic
And, oh! so poetic,
But he never can put up the fare.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

A Naughty Young Pumpkin Named Nick - Halloween Limericks for Kids

A naughty young pumpkin named Nick
Thought he was pretty darn quick
He stole a kid's treat
And raced down the street
Till he ran straight into a brick!

Monday, October 1, 2012

The Tennis Girl Wants You To Play

The tennis girl wants you to play
A "Love" game with her ev'ry day
If you land in her net
Hope they'll be no regret
Or our sympathy we'll soon convey