Here's Hoping The Cincinnati Reds Don't Lose Their Opener!

Yes, baseball is finally here
Today's the first game of the year
Let's root for a win
'Cause it'd be a sin
If they lost and can't open the beer!

The Sneeze - A Limerick Classic

Now the sneeze is a joy-vent, I s'pose
When you're tickled to death in your nose
A pleasing explosion
Creating erosion-
But you want to watch out where it goes.

The Brain - A Limerick Classic

To manage and keep up a brain
Is no easy job, it is plain
That's why a great many
Don't ever use any
Thus avoiding the care and the strain.

Young Lady of Twickenham - Classic Limericks

There was a young lady of Twickenham
Whose boots were too tight to walk quick in 'em.
When she came from her walk
She was whiter than chalk;
So she took off her boots and was sick in 'em.

Miss Flynn - Classic Limerick

There was a young lady, Miss Flynn,
Who, being exceedingly thin,
When she lately essayed
To drink lemonade
Tumbled down through the straw, and fell in.

A Cowboy Limerick

There was a young man from the west
Who purchased a swell fancy vest
When he walked down the street
Every one he would meet
Would give him a nod and a jest.

The Conclave - A Pope Francis Limerick

The Conclave was very serious
Holy, regal -- mysterious
When up went white smoke
And we had a new pope
Argentina became quite delirious.

The Election of Pope Francis - A Limerick

There certainly was much commotion
Though it seemed things moved in slow motion
Two-thirds finally chose
A man in brown clothes
And the cardinal got a promotion!

F Is For Football - A Vintage Limerick

F is for football - berated
By many for limbs mutilated;
And it isn't alone
The busting a bone,
But having the thing Medicated!

A Very Great Lady Of Yore

A very great lady of yore
Once cared scarce a fig what she wore;
She cared even less
How the others might dress
And her name was just Eve - nothing more.

A Tippler Tending His Thirst - Vintage Beer Limerick

Said a tippler while tending his thirst,
"I could swallow good beer till I burst."
Said a temperance dame -
"It is always the same, -
The best beer is as bad as the worst."

Happy Birthday - The Candles On Your Cake

On this date, a while back, you were born
The year, I won't say, I've sworn
You're younger than me
But only by three
So your candles will make the house warm!

A Bishop Residing in Meath - A Vintage Irish Bishop Limerick

A bishop residing in Meath
Sat down on his set of false teeth
Said he, with a start,
"O Lord, bless my heart,
I've bitten myself underneath!

An Elf Named Sean - St. Patrick's Day Limericks for Kids

There was a stone elf named Sean
He sat on my neighbor's front lawn
But on March seventeen
He couldn't be seen - 
Like magic, he ran and was gone!

A Lad by the Name of Dermot - Limericks for Kids

A lad by the name of Dermot
Wanted to live like a hermit
His ma said he shouldn't
The cops said he couldn't -
He lacked the proper permit.

A Man From Adare - Irish Limericks for Kids

There was an old man from Adare
In the morn, he had not a care
No need to rush
For a comb or a brush
On his head, he had not a hair.

But he did have a hare on his head
At least, that's what he said
'Cause it was his habit
To wear a small rabbit
As soon as he got out of bed!

A Priest From Belfast - An Irish Priest Limerick

A priest from the town of Belfast
Wrote sermons that he could tell fast
"Our God's Ten Rules
Are not just for fools
Obey, or you'll go to hell fast."

A Man from Cork - An Irish Limerick for Kids

There was an old man from Cork
He was known as a bit of a dork
He knew his utensil
Wasn't a pencil
But was it a spoon or a fork?

Irish Dance Limerick for Kids - Eileen

There is a young girl named Eileen
She's the best little dancer you've seen
Jigs, waltzes, and reels
Never back on her heels
She's the best little dancing machine!

Fight or Flight (or Freeze?)

Some creatures, in danger, take flight
Others, when pressed, will fight
And the third category
(Their end will be gory)
Just freeze, and then die of fright.

Build Your Own St. Patrick Limerick! DIY

So what else did St. Patrick do,
Besides what you already knew?
He walked many a mile
On the Emerald Isle
pick one
Tending his flock as it grew.
or
With an aim that was straight and true.
or
Thanking God for the beautiful view.

On Monday Our Slavey We Hired - Vintage Limerick Postcard

On Monday our slavey we hired;
On Tuesday the poor girl was tired;
All Wednesday she slept,
And on Thursday she wept,
So on Friday the darling was "fired."

No Snakes In Ireland - St. Patrick's Day Limerick For Kids

In Ireland, you won't find a snake
In a field, a forest, or lake
If you're happy with that
Give thanks to St. Pat
He did it for everyone's sake.