CSI Limerick

A suspect had planned to come clean

Re: the evidence found at the scene

His lawyer urged silence

Concerning the violence

CSI then, the facts, had to glean.

Will Wanted To Grow A Pear - A Limerick

Will wanted to grow a pear
To show at the York County fair
To his lasting credit
He watered and fed it
And his was the biggest pear there.

A Pompous Old Snoot Did Opine

A pompous old snoot did opine,
"You must match the meat with the wine."
A man, young and smirky
Quizzed the snoot re: beef jerky.
And the snoot, with the man, would not dine.

Fine Young Cannibal Needs Nexium Fast! A Limerick

A cannibal felt rather ill
Right after having eaten his fill
Two Yanks that had gout
And one sour Kraut
Left him needing a small purple pill.

Perloo and the Zombie - A Hallowe'en Limerick

It sure was one heckova scene
At the party held last Hallowe'en
The zombie was told
By Perloo the Bold
To give back Godiva her spleen.

The Cannibal's Pot - A Limerick

A fellow was in a fine stew
And he did not know what to do
It was getting hot
In the cannibal's pot
If he didn't get out he was through.

Fight or Flight (or Freeze?)

Some creatures, in danger, take flight
Others, when pressed, will fight
And the third category
(Their end will be gory)
Just freeze, and then die of fright.

Don't Worry About The Bad Guys - A Barack Obama Limerick

When Barack first saw a spy drone,
He said, "I must have my own.
Don't bother with bail,
Or lawyers or jail,
'Cause into small bits they'll be blown."

An Actress Was Seeking A Role

An actress was seeking a role
A particular part was her goal
She really did want
To play a croissant
She didn't want just any old roll!

No Such Thing As Bad Publicity

A fellow refused to eat crow
No matter the facts that we know
An obvious error
Caused him no terror
It was all just a part of the show.

Whinin' Cheese (Whine and Cheese Limericks)

The cheddar wheel started to whine,
"The unpleasant odor's not mine,
Limburger's the source,
Of the stink, of course,
My nice bouquet is just fine."

A Woman Who Tended To Preen

A woman who tended to preen
Had hair with a nice, glossy sheen
All the men stared
But she never cared
She lived for and loved to be seen