Henry Ward Beecher Limerick - O.W. Holmes

The Reverend Henry Ward Beecher,

Called a hen an elegant creature,

The hen, pleased with that,

Laid an egg in his hat,

And thus did the hen reward Beecher.

(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

Obama and the Banks

He says that the banks should lend more,

So we Americans can spend more,

Go grab your plastic,

Let's do something drastic!

Go buy a GE or Kenmore.

Rich Rodriguez - Part 3

'Though he wasn't a "Michigan Man,"

The new coach came in with a plan,

His name is Rodriguez,

The team does what he says,

But his results should be trashed in the can.

Rich Rodriguez - Part 2

The man, he came from WVU,

His job, to coach the maize and blue,

The fans now debate,

What should be his fate,

It appears he hasn't a clue.

The Team From Up North

There is now a team from Michigan,

To beat OSU is their wish again,

But losing six straight,

Seems likely their fate,

That vict'ry, those boys, they will miss again.

Rich Rodriguez

In Ann Arbor is Rodriguez, Rich,

Too bad he can't find his niche,

Screams night and day,

When things don't go his way,

Not beating the Bucks is a bitch.

A Young Scottie Named Sandy

There was a young Scottie named Sandy,

Who went to a pub for a shandy,

He lifted his kilt,

To see what he spilt,

And the barmaid said - blimey - that's handy!

Terrelle Pryor

There is a young man named Terrelle,


In high school he did do quite well,


When he got to college,


He was slow to gain knowledge,


But soon, I am sure, he'll excel.

Falcon Heene - Balloon Boy

The boy was in the balloon,

They feared he'd fly to the moon,

In a box he was found,

Never leaving the ground,

A reality show we'll see soon.

Mouse in Stew Limerick

A man who was dining at Crewe,

Found quite a large mouse in his stew,

Said the waiter, "Don't shout!

And wave it about,

Or the rest will be wanting one too."

There Once Was A Man Named Joe Biden - A Limerick

There once was a man named Joe Biden,
That Amtrak train he was ridin',
V. P. he was made,
"No dumb comments" they prayed,
But his foot, in his mouth, it keeps slidin'.

The Flute Tutor - A Limerick by Carolyn Wells

A tutor who tooted the flute,

Was teaching two tooters to toot,

Said the two to the tutor,

"Is it harder to toot, or

To tutor two tooters to toot?"

Lear Classics - Old Man in a Boat

There was an Old Man in a boat,

Who said, 'I'm afloat! I'm afloat!'

When they said, 'No! you aint!'

He was ready to faint,

That unhappy Old Man in a boat.

Irish Volunteers - Flying Column

The Team From Up North

There once was a team from Michigan,

To beat OSU was their wish again,

But losing six straight,

Seemed likely their fate,

That vict'ry, those boys, they will miss again.

2009 Cincinnati Reds

There's baseball in Cinci, its said,

The hats that they wear, they are red,

But in two thousand and nine,

They're not raising their stein,

All the players are hurtin' or dead!

The Green Grass

Sometimes I sit and I ponder,
What's out in the wide world yonder,
Is the grass greener there,

Though we breathe the same air?

Someday soon, just perhaps, I may wander.

George Street, Limerick, Ireland

There Was An Old Man of Kilkenny - Edward Lear

There was an Old Man of Kilkenny,

Who never had more than a penny;

He spent all that money,

In onions and honey,

That wayward Old Man of Kilkenny.

A Young Lady Whose Name, It Was Simons (Is Marriage A Failure?)

A young lady whose name, it was Simons,

Was exceedingly fond of white diamonds,

Said, "It's lovely to marry

A man like you Harry,

Who knows how to pick out the fine ones."

The Fisherman - He Tells Of The Fish He Has Caught

He tells of the fish he has caught--

(In truth, they were some that he bought),

For he ne'er had a bite,

From morning till night,

Except at the lunch he had bought!

When Mother-In-Law Holds The Key

When Mother-in-law holds the key,

And lets you in after a spree,

She'll recite all your wrongs,

Poke your ribs with the tongs,

And wallop you over her knee.