Dortmunder Gold Beer Limerick - Great Lakes Brewing

It's not made in Germany, I know,

But give this good lager a go,

You'll be filled with wonder,

When tasting Dortmunder,

                      Thanks to Great Lakes Brewing Co.

Bedazzled By The Likes Of You - A Sexy Witch Limerick

 Bedazzled by the likes of you

So charmed by all you say and do

On Halloween Day

You blew me away

Heck. . . blame it on the witch's brew!

Said A Bat To An Owl In An Oak - An Olde Halloween Limerick

Said a Bat to an Owl in an oak-
"This Halloween Night is a joak!"
And that wise-looking bird
Replied: "Yes, it's absird,
I was thinking so when I awoak."

There Once Was A Vampy Old Witch - A Halloween Limerick

There once was a vampy old witch,

The thought of her near made me twitch,

But she had a nice twin,

With a similar grin,

My thought?  Which witch was which?

There Once Was A Gal From Ohio - A Cinco De Mayo Limerick

There once was a gal from Ohio
She was born on Cinco de Mayo
She drank light Corona
And sang My Sharona
When she recalled the 80s she'd cry - oh!

The Praises of Beer (Wooden Shoe Lager)

I sing the praises of beer,

To everyone able to hear,

Hops, barley and yeast,

Good water, not least,

To all who imbibe - good cheer!

There Once Was A Man From Nantucket

There once was a man from Nantucket,
An oyster, there was, in his bucket,
When asked his intent,
The reply from this gent -

"If it matters to you, I'll shuck it!"

Said A Lassie, Whose Name Was Mac Whistle

Said a lassie, whose name was Mac Whistle,
To her laddie "Now sit by this thistle"
Said he " I was ne'er built
To sit down in a kilt!
So I'll stand just a wee while and whistle".

There Was A Young Man Called M'Kie - A Bagpipe Limerick

There was a young man called M'Kie

Who to master the bagpipes did try,

But the neighbors resented,

The music he vented,

And he sleeps in the kirkyard close by.

Hey Mabel, Another Black Label!

There once was a waitress named Mabel,

She'd come to you at your table,
With a smile and a wink,
She'd ask, "What'll you drink?"
For me, it was Carling's Black Label.

A Clint Eastwood - Mitt Romney - Republican Convention Limerick

Clint is The Man With No Name
And he has, as you know, perfect aim
While he rambled a bit
He's voting for Mitt
He won't take four more years of the same

Older and Wiser? A Budweiser Limerick

When younger, I did drink Budweiser,

To myself, I indeed, was no miser,

But I drank it too fast,

And often got trashed,

So now - am I older but wiser?

The Bucks Under Coach Urban Meyer (An Ohio State - Miami Football Limerick)

The Bucks under Coach Urban Meyer
Will play like their hair is on fire
Let's hope that the Red Hawks
Don't end up as Dead Hawks
Who would build their funeral pyre?

A Budweiser Beer Limerick

Hopheads think this beer's a dud,

For others, their favorite, it's Bud,

Wiser folks say,

Just drink what you may,

Your beer doesn't make you a stud.

I Sit And I Think About Drinking

I sit and I think about drinking,
I hear ice plink and glass clinking,
Why wonder why
My soul gets so dry -
I just order and drink without thinking.

Said Father Stork Wisely One Day - Leather Limerick Postcard

Said Father Stork wisely one day
Our stock in trade's getting passe
For Kids no one cares
They all want Teddy Bears
So I'll order some in right away

The Hobbit Movie - A Limerick

Said Gandalf to a hobbit named Bilbo,

I would like to know if you will go,

With dwarves thirteen,

To a mountain unseen,

He did, and thus joined Thorin Co.

There Was A Youth Came Frae Scotland

There was a youth came frae Scotland,
And thought himself bonnie and grand;
He said, "Mon, I'm braw,"
But they cried, "Johnny Raw,
Go home with your dirk in your hand."

A Joey Votto - Cincinnati Reds Limerick

The Reds - they can win without Votto
In fact, they have been very hot - oh!
When Joey comes back
Just watch him attack
It will be just like winning the Lotto

OSU Buckeyes v. Miami Redskins - RedHawks --A Football Limerick

The Bucks start the year with the RedHawks
Who should change their name to the Fred Hawks
An alias might hide
The fear that's inside
Because soon they will be the Dead Hawks

A Gay Old Sport Is The Seagull - A Limerick

A gay old sport is the SEAGULL
This particular one is a HEGULL
He goes on long flights
For days and for nights
It's kind of hard on his wife the SHEGULL

By Superfluous Underwear Docking

By superfluous Underwear docking
The Ladies, the Public are shocking
For the Directoire Dress
Shows (we're bound to confess)
Even more of the FORM than the Stocking.

A Wonderful Bird is the Pelican - A Limerick

A wonderful bird is the Pelican
His mouth will hold more than his Belican
He can hold in his beak
Enough for a week - 
I can't understand how the Helican

The Elders - Dublin Irish Festival - A Limerick

If it's arse kickin' music you need
Your unending hunger to feed
To stop your troublin'
Get over to Dublin
You must see The Elders, indeed!

A Dublin Irish Festival - Gaelic Storm Limerick

This news, it could be troublin'

Strong weather, it seems, is bubblin'

Bring yer wellies and coat

Maybe even a boat

The Storm is coming to Dublin!

The Mahones - A Dublin Irish Festival Limerick

I really don't care what you thunk
The best bands are Irish and punk
The Mahones, e.g.
Are a band you must see
And it's completely your choice to be drunk.

Hickory, Dickory, Dock Limerick (TV News Version)

Hickory, Dickory, Dock
Three mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one
And the other two escaped with only minor injuries.

Memorial Day Limerick

We're sitting here tweeting and friending,
So let's just stop all the pretending,
The freedoms we use,
Are easy to lose,
So honor those who've died defending.

A Good Friday - Easter Limerick

When the guilt of sin does seize us,
We should turn to our brother, Jesus,
His death on the cross,
Was truly a loss,
But the miracle on Easter - it frees us.

A SMITHWICK'S IRISH ALE ST. PATRICK'S DAY LIMERICK

'Tis sure I'll be wearing the green,
When the calendar says March seventeen,
To help me to think,
It Smithwick's I drink,
Just try some, you'll know what I mean.

A HARP LAGER ST. PATRICK'S DAY LIMERICK

'Tis sure I'll be wearing the green,
When the calendar says March seventeen,
I'll drink a few Harp,
'Til my wits become sharp,
Just try some, you'll know what I mean.

A GUINNESS ST. PATRICK'S DAY LIMERICK

'Tis sure we'll be wearing the green,
When the calendar says March seventeen,
We'll be happy when in us,
Are pints of black Guinness,
Try some, you'll know what we mean.

Please Be Mine! A Valentine's Limerick

There've been ups and down, it is true
And it sometimes appears I've no clue
So on Valentine's Day
Just let me say
That I really and truly love you.

DUBLIN IRISH FESTIVAL HAS THE SECRET TO BEAT SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER!

There is a good man in this town,
But the cold and the snow brings him down,
His memories - the best,
The Dub Irish Fest,
Recalling - he loses the frown.

A Nasty Old Grinch - Christmas Limerick

If he acts like a nasty old grinch,
And the sight of him makes you flinch,
Treat him with kindness,
Perhaps you will mind less,
Though his heart grows not even an inch.

The Reason for the Season - Christmas Limerick

I hope that your Christmas is merry,
And your jolly St. Nick is hairy,
But remember the reason,
for this joyous season,
Is Jesus, and Joseph, and Mary.

From A Pirate Named Molly, copyright 2013, Randy Imwalle